- Write the name of every possible major on an index card.
- Toss index cards in the air and assess where they land.
- Work up a complicated analysis for the way they landed and what it says about our current culture and likely future.
- Ponder the multiple existential and imminent threats to humanity and how majoring in anything is mostly just dramatic irony exercised upon you by an unfriendly god.
- Remind yourself why you would hate accounting, both as a major and as a job.
- Consider accounting one more time.
- Imagine yourself becoming a teacher and how all your students would love you because you would teach them the way you always wanted to learn
- Tell this to a teacher and enjoy hearing them laugh loudly at you before they apologize, say they know what you mean, and mutter angry words that you are fortunate not to understand.
- Be kind as they ask you for career advice as they are considering looking for a job where brainwashed people do not come after them with pitchforks and torches.
- Make a list of classmates who know exactly what they are going to major in and what their long term plans are.
- Rip that list into shreds and jump up and down upon it.
- Consider lighting the bits of paper on fire but remember vaguely threatening notices from Residence Life regarding the use of open flames.
- Take them outside to light them on fire in the middle of campus.
- Watch the bits of paper fly away before you can light them, which isn’t a problem because you don’t actually have a match or a lighter because that would require walking at least five minutes to get one.
- See one of the people on the list catch a piece of paper with their name on it and look puzzled.
- Immediately squat down and work on retying your laces as if that is the only thing you have been doing.
- Count on the fact that no one knows what your handwriting looks like because everything is digital now.
- Scurry back to your room and look up every major with the word digital in it, in case that was a sign.
- Realize that your eyes are getting blurry from staring at your screen and reconsider majoring in anything with the word digital in it.
- Look up majors related to healthy living.
- Imagine learning every semester that you need to eat more vegetables and take more walks.
- Look up majors that appear to have something to do with money.
- Feel guilty and look up majors that relate somehow to social justice.
- Get overwhelmed and decide the problem is this country, so look up majors that have the word international in them.
- Get sad at the thought of never seeing your family again (well, sorta sad), and also remember how your French teacher winced when you answered questions in class.
- The exchange student didn’t seem happy about it, either. How hard is it to say words with r’s in them?
- Notice some majors have the words recreation and leisure in them.
- Get excited.
- Remember you hate tourists. And most people.
- Get less excited.
- Gather up the index cards with the name of every major and throw them into the air again, this time trying to catch one.
- Look at it.
- Nope.
- Try again.
How to choose a major
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[…] seriously, after sharing a playful set of tips for choosing a major, I am ready to share some ideas on how to identify majors that might work for you (part one of […]
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